The Other Self
by Mantarou
Summary: Exspheres have never been without their price, and the burden of their creation can take a toll on the bearer. When the soul trapped within refuses to leave, it takes battle away from the war, and into the mind. Kharlan war disturbing imagery within.


There was a girl. A bloody, wounded girl, crying out in agony. There were no other noises, no other sounds, just the distressed girl screaming for assistance. The pitch of her voice was raised in panic as she grasped her frail hands to her abdomen, trying to keep her entrails from spilling out through the large incisions on her side. Thick, dark red blood seeped through her clothing, staining her dress and enveloping her hands. Tears dripped down her face to mingle with the blood, and yet she continued to scream for mercy, for help. She continued crying to the unhearing darkness.

Well, the darkness was not entirely unhearing, nor was it entirely soundless.

He was breathing heavy and fast, watching from the shadows as she tried to stay conscious. He wanted her. Oh God, he wanted to run over and violate her right now, in this state. To continue scarring her beautiful features with his teeth and nails, to rip and tear and thrust himself into her miserable pussy as the light faded from her eyes—that was all he desired. A long, thin smile stayed fixed on his face as he watched her, his fingers wrapped tightly around his own throbbing organ as she slowly quieted and stopped moving.

_What…?  
_  
Dear God, how he wanted to venture closer, to delight in her death. Instead, he stayed back, watching and touching himself. He wanted to get closer, wanted to cum on her dying face.

_I do not want to__…what?  
_  
He was feeling very confused. He was disgusted and abhorred at this scene, but at the same time delighted in it. He wanted more, and also to escape. The heavily panting man fell to his knees, fully climaxing and spilling himself onto his thighs, while the other fell back against a wall, regurgitating everything he had eaten previously. The one in back stared at the ground, horrified. Even as he vomited and tried to repress the scene in front of him, he could feel himself basking in the afterglow of masturbation, wanting even more to venture over and examine the woman's corpse.

_Which one am I…?_

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A/N-

Welcome to my little fic. If you cannot already tell, demented imagery lies will lie within. This was inspired by a doujinshi, (One that I wish I had translated.. if anyone has Under the Moon in English, contact me please!) though this has little to do with said doujin.

Anyway, no one likes lengthy introductions. I would try to summarize the idea of the story, but I'm not sure how well I would do. So here's a very, very brief summary:

Kratos. Two exsphere-induced personalities. Crazy fucking shit.

I hope you enjoy. 3

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"Kratos."

As the other man spoke, the redheaded man sat up suddenly. He immediately regretted this decision and, raising a hand to his forehead, felt blood rush painfully to his brain. His lips drew back in annoyance, eyes clenching shut. It was much too bright in the room. After letting his mind orient itself, he slowly lay back onto the pillows he had been resting on, letting his ruby-tinted eyes slowly flicker open once again.

"You humans blank out entirely too easily." Kratos groaned as the man continued to talk. He really didn't need one of Yuan's arrogant monologues right now. "Now, as I was saying—"

"Yuan," the human growled out quietly, his teeth clenched together. He had just woken from a disturbingly vivid nightmare, he didn't need to hear how superior half-elves were, "…I would appreciate it if you kept quiet right now before I vomit."

The blue-haired man scoffed, but obeyed. As antagonistic as the two were towards one another, they were still friends. Kratos took this time to glance to the left and right. He was in a room. Obviously. It looked like an inn of sorts, what with the generic decorations. Yuan was seated on a chair near him, an ankle hooked over one knee and his arms folded. He was probably sulking that his speech had been cut off.

And Mithos…the young boy was nowhere to be seen. Probably off by himself, as per usual these days.

After his sister's death, Mithos had been very distant. He preferred to stay outside and think, rather than to speak with his older companions. It wasn't healthy for the boy, but what could they do? Tell him to stop mourning, to seek the companionship of other people, instead of the summon spirits he spent so much time with?

Kratos brushed the thoughts away. He'd worry about his pupil later. After all, that was how he still thought of himself. He was an instructor, and Mithos was his student.

"Yuan—"

As he spoke, the half-elf glanced up in curiosity, but the redhead didn't say anything. Instead he stared downwards at the blankets covering most of him for a moment, before flinching, turning to the side, and vomiting. He brought a hand up to his chest, eyes clenching shut at the uncomfortable and nauseous feeling.

"…yeah, I hope that's not a side-effect of these things," the half-elf spoke arrogantly, rolling his eyes and standing up. Despite his actions and words, it was hard to hide his concern, stepping slowly to his friend's side and gently pulling Kratos's hair back as the other man coughed. He raised a slender, blue brow, looking almost amused.

"Feel any better?" The growl he received in response was probably a no.

The full effect of Kratos's nightmare had just sunk in, bringing up pure nausea in his gut. The swordsman had been trained for years to ignore any sorts of feeling, to avoid flinching when confronted with gore and disturbing imagery, but this was completely new.

"I..." he began speaking, but the words caught in his throat. He could tell the half-elf at his shoulder was concerned, though Yuan remained quiet, simply tilting his head. Kratos's eyes were wide, even scared looking as he lowered his chin, staring down at the covers of the blanket. He had been...delighting in this woman's mutilation and death. Who was the woman? Well, probably a fictional bit of his dreams…but he had never thought that his subconscious was that frightening a place.

But all the while, even as he was disgusted with himself, a small part of him, in the pit of his stomach, ached for more. It was strange...the feeling seemed separate from he himself, and yet he was fully aware, and feeling it. Part of him yearned for another go, to find a new beauty and reenact the dream. It was nearly overwhelming. After a few short, silent moments, the human looked back up. His lips curved upwards in a thin smirk, suddenly looking calm.

"I'll be fine, Yuan," he nodded, standing up off the bed and stretching. The half-elf raised a brow, simply watching him get dressed and continue speaking. "I was just... caught off-guard by a nightmare. Thank you for the concern." As he began attaching the many belts compromising his outfit, he chuckled lowly. "I'm sorry to have slept in—I'll see you outside, then."

Yuan scowled as he watched Kratos leave. For one thing, he didn't want to clean up the other man's regurgitation- he'd let the innkeeper bother with that. For another thing, his friend was acting strange. Very rarely had he seen Kratos acting so...disturbed by something. Perhaps the last thing to invoke any sort of emotional response had been Martel's death.

The last thing that was bothering him was the fact that Kratos had not, in fact, been sleeping. His friend was acting as if he was waking from a not-so-restful sleep, but Yuan had been having a perfectly normal conversation with him for the past half hour or so. The half-elf lifted a hand, touching the softly glowing blue gemstone embedded in his chest with a sigh. Ever since the three companions had equipped the stones, they had lost the ability to sleep- let alone have nightmares.

"You were awake," he muttered to himself, before shaking his head and exiting the room.

Ever since they had first equipped the stones, things had been... different. It had been Mithos's idea, wanting to gain more power to try and finally end the war and fulfill Martel's final wish. To live in a word where they wouldn't be hated for what they were…Yuan wouldn't lie to himself, he wished for the same thing, but Mithos was twisting it.

It was impossible to change the minds of every person. Martel had just been lamenting, not making a final wish. And Mithos…did he really think that he was the only one who had lost someone special?

But in the end, he had resorted to finding these scientists, taking the gems—what was it they had been referred to as? Exspheres. They had originally been found in a mine, latching themselves onto miners' skin like parasites, sapping their life. After growing a certain extent, they became a useful battle tool. Unfortunately, they killed their hosts, but during a war there was an almost never-ending supply of prisoners that could just as easily be used in their production. No one would care if their lives had been sacrificed to these things, so long as they ended up winning and reclaiming the Giant Kharlan tree.

Mana was what this was all about, after all. It also proved useful in heightening the abilities of the exsphere, as Mithos had also discovered. It…evolved them, so to speak, even further than they had been previously. There were a few extra side effects however, as they had all been showing. Sleep was lost to them, their senses had been heightened, and they didn't seem to require food as often. All three had been noticing, which was exactly why Yuan found it strange that Kratos simply "forgot" that they couldn't sleep. Why would he try to explain his strange actions as 'having a nightmare?'

But then again, since when did Yuan fully understand the workings of the other man's mind? Kratos wasn't a half-elf, so of course he would reason things a little bit differently.  
The half-elf shook his thoughts from his head, shrugging his shoulders so that the navy cloak fell before them. Kratos seemed to have recovered…somewhat. After stepping outside, he could see where his friend had retreated to—Kratos seemed to be standing quietly near Mithos. The two were both at the fence surrounding the inn, the young blond seated on top of the wooden railing and watching a hilltop a few hundred yards away. A large, black mass was congregated there, moving occasionally about the hill.

"…humans aren't as powerful as they'd like us to believe, are they?" Mithos spoke simply, ignoring the fact that there was a human standing right beside him, arms crossed. The blond tilted his head back to Yuan, before smiling faintly and shifting his seat on the fence, allowing the other half-elf to rest his arms on the fence as he leaned on it.

"What makes you say that?" Yuan spoke after a short moment of silence. Kratos didn't seem about to respond, and he didn't particularly blame him. He glanced forward at the hill, bright, blue eyes narrowing. Thankfully the crystal in his chest enhanced his vision, enabling him to see the crowd of people, clustered around a hole. That would explain where all the villagers were.

Mithos shrugged, "well I mean…one death and this village falls apart." The young boy gestured to the mourners on the hill, before sighing and shaking his head. "At least the elves and half-elves have the sense to move on from their grief."

Yuan clenched his teeth at this. Part of him suspected that this was a hint from Mithos to get over the death of Martel. But who was he to be saying such things? Mithos needed to do more moving on than he did…

"We can't help it," Kratos finally spoke up, turning his gaze away from the funeral to look directly at Mithos. "We don't have the luxury of living for a millennium. When someone dies, it causes us to realize our mortality." As always, the swordsman's face was unreadable, blank as though he was merely stating a truth. "…what makes you bring it up now?" he raised an eyebrow, curious as to what brought about this line of thought.

True, Mithos's comments helped Kratos get his mind off of his own inner conflicts, but there didn't seem to be any rationale for Mithos's words. Then again, after the humans had murdered Martel, he could see the half-elf wanting any sort of reasoning to hate or look down upon them. He sighed, moving to uncross his arms and placed a hand on his sword hilt.

Mithos shrugged innocently once again. "No reason," he stated simply. It was easy to tell that it was a lie, but neither Kratos nor Yuan pressed it. "I was just thinking out loud. So, on to business-" The blond half-elf stood up on the fence, crossing his arms and turning to face his two companions. "We've stayed in this town long enough. We need to get back to trying to end this war," he nodded curtly. Kratos had to admit, he was surprised at what a good leader the boy made.

"The Kings of Tethe'alla and Sylvarant both want this madness to stop, but both are afraid of the other backstabbing him—if we were to intervene and mediate, we could bring about the end." He forced a grin, his green eyes lighting up happily. "And then everyone will realize that half-elves aren't horrible and evil—we'll have ended a war!" He placed a hand on his hip proudly, before continuing his speech. "The elves in Heimdall will reaccept us, and maybe even accept humans amongst them again, when they realize that one helped us." He nodded at Kratos, who remained still. "And then…" he forced himself to keep smiling. "Martel will be happy. Everyone will be so relieved that the war is over, they won't care if people are elves, or half-elves, or anything else!"

Yuan sighed. Mithos really had high ideals…but it was the best chance they had. Even so, he could see a few flaws in the younger boy's thoughts.

"But Martel was the one they really listened to," he pointed out. Every time they had met with officials, they would have nothing to do with young boys, troublemakers, or mercenaries. Martel was the only one of the group that could make people listen. "How will we—"

"Shut up!" Both of the men looked up suddenly as Mithos shouted, standing up on the fence with his hands clenched. "It will work! It will work because I will make it work!" He watched Yuan angrily. If Martel hadn't loved him, he would have done away with Yuan a while ago. Mithos didn't even need that man for his plans!

The blue-haired half-elf sighed, lowering his head. "I apologize, my lord," he spat out bitterly, the epithet obviously added for sarcasm. Yuan frowned, keeping his eyes on the ground. Was he the only sane one in the group anymore?

There was a short silence between the three, before Kratos spoke, "alright then. That's the only plan we have. When shall we leave?"

Mithos jumped from the fence, dusting himself off. "Now. After that woman was slaughtered last night, the villagers here don't seem very trusting of travelers," he pointed out, shaking his long bangs from his eyes. "Which is stupid if you ask me, they should be suspecting someone she knew—"

"Woman?" This seemed to shake Kratos from his thoughts, looking up suddenly. His visible eye was wide with confusion as he glanced from Mithos to Yuan. He had known there was the funeral going on, but he had assumed it was natural causes. "A woman died? When did—"

"Kratos, we were talking about it about fifteen minutes before you threw up," Yuan sighed, shaking his head and reaching over to place a hand on his friend's shoulder. "I think you're a little too distant for your own good." He watched as Mithos picked up his backpack and large sword. "Instead of trying to be all emotionless, why don't you pay attention?"

"…" the ex-Mercenary frowned, watching Yuan turn and walk back towards the inn to collect the rest of their things. He had known that it wasn't possible for him to have been asleep… but what other explanation was there for his blacking out? The last thing he remembered was departing his companions company for some thinking alone the previous night, and then…and then…

"You're being stupid." He spoke to himself, under his breath. Kratos closed his ruby-tinted eyes, lifting a hand to place at the bridge of his nose to ward off a stress headache.  
There was no way the woman in his nightmare could be connected to whomever had died. Even if he was having a memory lapse, there was no way Kratos would do anything like that. There was no way he would ever…

A slow grin spread across his face, the memory of his nightmare surfacing again. The ecstasy of finally approaching her corpse, the slick feeling of her glazed, unseeing eyes, the scent of blood all over her. The whore had deserved everything she had gotten, after all, the filthy human. The memory of all that pain she had endured before her death, knowing that her assailant was watching…everything seemed to wash back over him as he thought about it, reveling in it again.

"Kratos!"

His eyes snapped open once again, looking up in confusion. "Y-Yes?" he stood up straight, glancing around. He had only become lost in thought for a few moments, but already Yuan was calling for him. He frowned, looking at himself. He had been leaning heavily on the wall of the inn, eyes glazed over. He glanced at his hands for a moment- one posted against the wall, supporting himself, the other half-tucked under one of his many belts.

"Are you sick again?" Yuan sighed, slinging his large swallow over a shoulder and walking over to try to feel the human's forehead. He was brushed off easily, however, Kratos not wishing to be touched. "…fine then. Make sure you take care of yourself," he growled, picking up Kratos's bag and tossing it at the other man's feet. "You've got your sword? We're leaving now."

"…right." Kratos nodded, grabbing the bag and pulling it over his shoulder, standing up straight. He had resumed his stoic expression, turning to follow Yuan out of the town.  
The half-elf's back to him, Kratos smirked, drawing a hand up to his face and running the tip of his tongue up the length of one of his fingers, his lips once again breaking into the mad smile as they left the town. If he thought about it hard enough, he could still taste the blood, tears, and semen mingling together on his hands.

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A/N- And that's all for Chapter 1.

Much thanks to Rydia Asuka and ChronoofDarkness for beta-ing and helping me bounce ideas off. It makes much more sense now, thanks to them.

Questions, comments, suggestions? Leave a review.

As for what to expect- I have a general direction and outline for the plot, but I'm still fiddling with details, so your reviews will not go ignored. 3 Places to go, plot-events you wish included, and pairing suggestions are welcome too.

Actually? I just effin' love reviews in general.

Love you,  
Mantarou.


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